shala_beads (shala_beads) wrote,
shala_beads
shala_beads

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Confessions of an (ex) cosmetic junkie

Hello, my name is Shala, and I'm addicted to eyeliner. I've been clean (mostly) for about 5 years now.

E's got a cold, and her coughing kept me up late enough for the infomercials the other night (which is why my hours are all inside out again), as Mike's alarm was going off at 5 am, the commercial on tv was about some nifty cosmetic. The before and after pictures were making slightly ill.

Mike came out and saw me staring at the tv horrified, "What's up sweetie?" "All the afters look like California Barbie!!"

They did. Smooth skin without any of the variations in skin tone which are normal, tanned skin and dark tans look odd to me with light colored hair. Not a pore in sight. Much less a freckle, zit or any indication they were human. I thought of the animatronic Stepford women.
I said to Mike "Do you suppose natural women will become a fetish in our lifetimes?"

My best friend has gotten botoxed, I can't tell you how many women I know with artificial breasts. Surgery, cosmetics, hairspray, all that stuff.

Then I started feeling the insecurity. Would I look better poreless? You know what the magazines say, women tend to let themselves go when they are in a committed relationship, I thought I'd gotten confident enough not to need the makeup, but maybe I just "let myself go".
Because I was an eyeliner junkie. You know the stuff. Not pencils, the true junkies shun pencils, nope, powders and brushes or liquid for me darling. I didn't wear much makeup compared to some of the women I know who spend hours applying a "natural" looking face, who eliminate skin tones and pores but look so natural men assume they are wearing hardly any makeup unless they wake up next to them. I didn't use a bunch of toners and shaders and that sort of thing, a bit of a lightweight foundation, a bit of powder over that, but I went crazy on my eyes and my lips were always very dark. I had contacts of course because what's the point of painting your eyes and hiding them behind glasses? Guys will say they don't care for that stuff, but the truth is, as long as looks are how men are stimulated, women will want to look their best and feel jealous of the women who do look better then them. The competition for attention out there is fierce.
I can still do it with the best of them, and do for the annual not a christmas party, but that's almost the only time of the year I bother with styling products in my hair and make up. I feel good about how I look. I know statistically, women who wear makeup live longer and supposedly feel better about themselves, but doesn't that depend on why they wear or don't? Will I cut 10 years off my life by not wearing makeup regularly and instead spending the time reading or making something?
I do wax my brows, shave my legs and all that. I just don't wear make up. My hair is shiny clean (yep, still using baking soda/vinegar, and it's soo healthy!)
Do men want Barbie dolls? Not in my experience, they want women who are touchable and happy and who tell them they are wonderful. I don't think I could be attracted to a man who wanted me only for my looks, it's too shallow. Someone who loves me for my personality and my mind, even given that my personality at times is very prickly, and I can be very demanding on certain subjects (coffee and chocolate are near the top of the list). Looks don't matter that much to me though, and I want someoe who is touchable and happy and tells me I'm wonderful too. Who looks at me with my pores, occasional acne, long brushed straight rapidly and naturally silvering hair and saggy parts, and tells me I'm beautiful and means it. I have that, and he's got a wicked sense of humor and a great mind too, and he's just as prickly as I am on some subjects.
And he thinks it is a good thing I gave up my make up dependence, and told me so that morning, and told me I was naturally beautiful.
-Shala
Tags: cosmetics
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