April 12th, 2011

punish me

Writer's Block: Teenage dream

If you arrived at your front door and saw your first love standing there, what would you do or say?

I missed this one a few days ago!
First love is hard to define. Maybe not for other people but there are a few kinds of first loves..

To my serious high school sweetheart, the one I mean when I say "high school sweetheart" rather than all the guys I dated in those 4 years?
"I hope you are well, and I'm glad you found your way back to Alaska. Please come back later when my husband is home."
I think he and my husband would get along okay and Michael could possibly help him find a job. R was a good guy who has gone through a lot.

My first adult love who I felt a strong connection with?
"BACK FOUL CREATURE OF THE NIGHT! You will not suck my blood or eat my brains!"
Which is my way of laughing at something that's not at all funny. At a point when I was fairly well broken, he helped me put the pieces back together again. But we had too much in common and we broke up in part because of that. He died young and while I know it would have never worked, neither of us could be a stabilizing influence on the other, I'm still absolutely enraged he's not in this world anymore. The world deserves his silk over sandpaper declaiming Shakespeare boldly, and some woman out there is going without his whisper in her ear quoting Byron, and that still has the power to make me weep.

My first true love?
"How was your day at work sweetie?"
Because as much as I may have cared about other people, loved them, been loved by them, I was never truly in love until Michael. Always held something back. Some of them were almost Mr. Right, and good enough to learn from and to have good experiences with, but ultimately, my first true love, the one that all others pale in comparison to is Michael.
It's been 15 years now, and we are more committed and more in love now than we were in the beginning.