March 15th, 2011

i will remain

Writer's Block: The long and winding road

Are there any difficult events in your past that made you a stronger person today? If you could go back and erase them, would you?

Yes, of course there are. Some of them truly sucked. Sucked like the theoretical black holes that galaxies revolve around.
Some I learned from, some I simply survived. I still have scars, some visible, some not. I can't sleep naked, and the doors have to be locked for me to feel safe. The back door of my house is nailed shut because it's too close to our bedroom. And those aren't the worst fears. The ones that I cry over, the ones that are a constant struggle to overcome were caused by something else. That deep seated fear that maybe I really am an absolutely horrible person and that everything good in my life is just luck that I don't deserve.
I wouldn't change a line. Not the scars on my face or the scars on my heart. Because for the most part, except when those spiders are spinning lots of webs in my head, I love my life, and getting to this point took all that crap in the past. Finding, and realizing what I had in Michael, my children, my family and my friends. Having a goal and a direction in life, having all that came from everything else. Why risk it being different? Because I don't know exactly which choices and situations got me here, and I wouldn't risk here and now for anything.
So all I can say is sorry to past me, sorry, even if I could save you the pain, I won't. Because when it's done, there are good times ahead. Times when you're doing more than having fun occasionally, when for the most part, you will be happy. Not enough people find happy and you deserve it.
I deserve it.
Coffee Domination

Let's see

It's been over a month since my last update. Darn you Facebook! Eating up my time and thoughts!
Well, that just being awfully busy and the other blog.
This weekend was really exciting. Almost too exciting. Poor Michael. He hates being around people so much. Every so often he suggests going out clubbing, I think I'd rather be clubbed than expose him to large crowds.
Friday, well, we all know about Japan. One of the things that happened is that a bunch of Pacific flights were diverted to Alaska. So Michael and Dad were both very busy at their jobs. Dad works at the airport and Michael's hotel is very close to the airport. Thursday night, Coolio did a concert here, and he was staying at Michael's hotel as well. Even though they were so busy, M did ask Coolio to sign my copy of Cookin' With Coolio. I wrote more about that here.
That night, Marian Call did a concert at Bosco's. Full of awesome. I picked up a code to download her album Got to Fly that I'm giving away on my other blog. See how to win here. Please enter. So far there is only one entry so your chances are really good, and it's a kick ass album. The concert was a lot of fun. But after M's day at the job, it was a lot of people and socializing.
The next day was the Empty Bowl Project, Empty Bowl is a fund-raiser for our local soup kitchen. Artists from around the state make and donate handmade bowls, you buy a ticket, and for that ticket, you get to choose a bowl, and eat all the soup and cornbread you can. The soup recipes are from local restaurants. So you know this is 3 things our family loves. A good cause, art and food. William picked a HUGE bowl with a fish design, M and I picked bowls based on color and stackability. Realizing they would have to fit in our cupboards. The Turnip Girl picked based on style and color, or if you haven't been following along at home, whichever blue was closest to TARDIS blue. The line was long. Hundreds of people in front of us (we got there a half hour early) and hundred of people behind us. When we finally got in, M's nerves were fairly frazzled from standing in line for so long with all those people. But we enjoyed our soup and picking our bowls. The kids loved it.
After that we went home, M was fairly cranky but offered to take me to the movies anyway. I gaped at him and told him I'd rather give up coffee than go out with him again that weekend. "You've dealt with enough people. But I do really appreciate your willingness." He replied he wasn't that cranky. I said "You know, right up until some teens start talking behind you, or someone is texting, or someone kicks my chair. Then it will get bloody, messy and I'll have to bail you out." He laughed and said "You're probably right."
So we spent the weekend at home, and I made dinner based on what was in the freezer.
I think he's planning to grill tonight. Because he's been wanting to, even though it's about 6 degrees. Every day when he drives to work he sees his precious grill under it's cover, and he's not waiting for spring!
It's been very busy. But very wonderful.