Last night, about 5 pm, my back started spasming really badly, and didn't *stop* even with muscle relaxants, so I went to sleep about 8 pm. Pain is exhausting. I had a dr ask me once if I needed something to help me sleep through the pain, and I explained to him "No. Sleeping isn't an issue when I hurt really badly because I wind up exhausted. All I want to do is sleep." That's what convinced him I really was in chronic pain despite the fact I look good for it. (that's a quote by the way, from one of my physical therapists)

When I get tired, my mind tends to range all over the place, and I started thinking about a spoon my mom used to have. It got broken after 20 years of regular use, but it was carved out of cottonwood by my paternal grandfather, and it had a deepish bowl and a beaver carved on the handle. He was the traditional chief, and a really good wood carver. Mom used that spoon all the time. She believed strongly that pretty and precious things were meant to be used, to be enjoyed, not just to have.

So while Mike was tucking me into bed, I asked him if he had ever wanted to carve spoons, and he said yes. I'm not sure if he does, or if he was just humoring me and trying to get me to go to bed since when he got home I was a bit weepy and emotional. But I think I want to this summer. I'm not sure if I'll use cottonwood, cottonwood is really easy to carve, and it's what I've carved in the past, but I want spoons out of a harder wood. I need to find my tools and find some wood blanks, but that shouldn't be too hard, I'll ask my brother if he has scraps I can use.

I'm feeling a lot better today, and made it to the gym this morning.